The Joy Awakening

Written at Christmas time 2013 shortly after presents have been opened and the "tour" of relatives has begun.

I have been left behind as Miggin and her children have left. I watch a show, notice the repeats on TV which i don't want to watch so instead I let my mind wander. Thoughts come round to to ponder what Christmas really means.

Firstly

For many the "business" of Christmas means juggling work, buying presents, grocery shopping for treats we don't normally need in the days and weeks beforehand.

The joy and pleasure on peoples faces giving and receiving even the disappointment of clothes that are too big or too small. The taking back of presents and searching for what you want in the post christmas sales is just as exciting.

Gift giving can be carried to extremes but for most people its the thought that counts.

Secondly its a celebration of family, the connections between people by birth and relationship. Emotional connections that bring warmth and joy but sometimes become too much.

Thirdly its a celebration of faith.

The presence of love and belief in higher connections. Celebration of life and our shared history.

Time spent in church or alone in contemplation of the life lived and whats hoped for in the future.

Everyone has their own faith or belief system some more coherent than others. My system is about inner peace and tranquility.

So I am here and now. I am who I am. Silent, thinking, wondering. Expectant of the future and questioning about this moment.

I am happy but also absent from feelings. Life itself is in me. The universe is open for discovery and I see. See the possibilities of life beyond this physical form. I know whats coming because I see. I sense what lies ahead for I am full of wonder.

Do i share this? do I show this?

Its a personal experience and journey. I am, by nature, secretive and internal. I reluctantly show and share often saying less than others want.

I am happy. I am awake.